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Jamie's Grand Slam

2♠         When Jamie plays he loves to run about ,

He loves to sing and dance and jump and shout,

He loves to bring out all his toys,

Especially to make a noise.

An energetic boy there is no doubt.

 

3        He rode his bike at speed into the fridge,

And skidding left the carpet with a ridge.

His Nonna looked on with concern,

"Why can’t he peaceful pastimes learn?

I know, I'll teach him how to play at Bridge."

 

4         Now Jamie monkey, he already knew,

He'd taken Bridge instruction at the zoo

He said "Why don't you partner me?

We'll beat the oldies, wait and see."

Said Jamie "That's exactly what we'll do."

 

5♣        When focussed on a task he's oh so nice,

And Nonna didn't have to say things twice.

He concentrated very hard

To learn the points for every card.

He picked up Acol bidding in a trice

 

6♠         Now silence falls upon the Kilburn flat,

Except when he's asleep, it's seldom that.

But while they're playing no one talks,

They even use a bidding box,

And each has thirteen cards they’re staring at.

 

7        “One heart” – “one spade” – “two diamonds” – “three no trumps.”

Now Granpaw smiles, "They've overbid, the chumps."

The Jamies take the crucial tricks,

They even win one with a six,

And Granpaw has a bad attack of grumps.

 

8         A tournament of Bridge at Billingsgate.

The Jamies went along to just spectate.

An international event,

The competition comes from Ghent.

The London captain’s in a dreadful state.

 

9♣        Her two best players’ car has broken down,

They’re stranded on the other side of town.

She has to find another pair,

And sees the Jamies sitting there,

A smile of recognition lifts her frown.

 

10♠       It’s Jamie’s teacher captaining the side.

They haven’t got the choice to run and hide.

She knows the Jamies both can play,

Is confident they’ll save the day,

And no one can complain she hasn’t tried.

 

J        They take their seats, the cards are dealt around.

Wee Jamie views his hand, it’s looking sound.

He counts his points, he’s got eighteen.

A fit with partner now will mean

The chance to see the trophy London bound.

 

Q        His spades are strong, the bidding has begun,

But is it game or slam that might be won?

Bids “Four no trumps,” the gen he sought,

How many aces have you got?

And Jamie monkey only had the one.

 

K♣        Then Jamie bid a reckless seventh spade,

It looks as if the contract can't be made.

He first drew trumps and, feeling pressed,

Successfully two clubs finessed.

Then three top hearts and all his spades he played.

 

A♠        Their grand slam brought the Jamies worldwide fame.

Top players called and begged to have a game.

Wee Jamie said "Yes, if you like,

But first I must play on my bike,

Then run and kick my ball. I'm still the same."

 

February 2011
 
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