I want the letters MP with my name.

I want the power, the influence, the fame.

So vote for me, don’t vote for her.

Give me support, I’ll make you Sir.

I’ll do whatever just to win this game.

 

Sincerity is what one has to show.

If I fake that, to Whitehall I will go.

I’ll represent the poor and weak.

I’ll do by best for those who seek

For justice. Well, who’s really going to know?

 

My ducks are ready for a brand new house.

My moat’s begun to need a good de-louse.

So I my second home will flip,

Get someone else to pay my trip

To Liverpool, to aggravate the scouse.

 

My son will get a job – no work, just pay.

My secret’ry will take down what I say.

My travel plans will be first class,

The hoi polloi can kiss my ass.

And I’ll claim I’ve worked very hard today.

 

Democracy’s important, can’t you see?

That’s why you’ve really got to vote for me.

If you don’t vote you’ve got no say,

No right to want another way,

And I’ll get five more years of Commons tea.